Court Jester: The Making of a Comedian - Excerpt

I didn't last long in public school in the second grade. After the first two months, they called my parents in for a conference and suggested they put me into Catholic School. I'm not sure I remember why. I don't recall being so disruptive that I was being asked to leave. Maybe they knew about me pooping in my pants and didn't want that kind of element in their school. Maybe they thought it was contagious and they needed me to go before it spread to the other children. If they let me stay, who knows what could happen? Maybe the whole second grade starts to shit in their pants every day just because Sweeney did it. So they sent me to the Catholic school thinking that the nuns may have more luck curbing me and my activities. That, of course, was not to be. Sister Mary Charlotte and Sister Mary Henry, I'm sure never forgot me. I have certainly not forgotten them. Sister Mary Henry was the principal and Sister Mary Charlotte was my teacher. I lasted two years at St. Joe's. Then, it seems, my parents got called in for another conference. They wanted to put me back in the public schools. Let's take a look at why.
August 1966 - April 1967
I averaged all B's and C's except in handwriting where it was F's across the board. I never did do very well with the penmanship thing. I guess I figured if they couldn't read it, they would never know what I had written. It also becomes apparent I didn't have that much interest in Catholic Doctrine, Science, Social Studies or English, either. The comments on the conduct were always the most interesting, anyway. My first real nemesis, Sister Mary Charlotte, she and I went toe to toe. Here are her remarks for Mark Sweeney, 2nd grader.
"Mark needs improvement in the following areas."
Plays well with others
Shows respect for authority
Follows directions
Listens effectively
Uses free time wisely
You know, that sounds strangely like my 1st grade teacher. How about something new? Can you do that for me? Again with these "others." Enough I say.
Quarter one
"Mark's energy is sometimes a handicap. He only contributes to Show and Tell when he wants to. He knows his reading words, but doesn't raise his hand to let me know it. He has a tendency to be disruptive. I hope this will improve next semester."
Maybe, Sister, just maybe, I don't want to share my reading words. I find them personal and private. I'll share them when I'm ready. This also sounds like 1st grade. I didn't share my reading words then either, and I guess I really didn't like show and tell. Why? I have no idea; it seems like it would be a lot of fun. I don't know what it was with sharing reading words either. I don't really think I considered them personal and private, I just didn't want to do what they told me to. I honestly don't know where this defiance came from. My father was a fairly strict disciplinarian. Defiance at home would get you an ass whippin'. I didn't get away with much at home, but on the road, on the road, baby, I flourished.